Tangled Suns
by Dragon'sSocks
Summary: You will need your best friend when your life is ruined after 10 years of commitment. Bellarke. Alternative version of Alpha. M - for language, alcohol use and sexual content (in future).


When I noticed Echo on the street, she nodded. I nodded back. She knew that I knew. Nevertheless, this nod was the decent thing to do.

Decent. I didn't know why, but when Madi called me in the morning and told me that Echo left Bellamy, I knew what to do. I started gathering my things. A small backpack with all the essentials and some alcohol, which was also essential.

Bellamy and Echo, well, only Bellamy now, lived outside the city. Bellamy started his one business with solar engines. They seemed happy. "Seemed" is apparently the main word in that sentence.

When I got to his house, it was afternoon. I didn't bother to knock I just let myself in.

I found him in the dining room. Dirty jeans and a black t-shirt. Next to him was a bottle of moonshine and one glass.

He didn't even acknowledge my presence and I didn't bother with politeness.

I took the second glass and sat next to him.

This is when he finally looked at me. There was a chasm in his once soft eyes, a well of pain, that was frozen on the edges.

"It is not started," I pointed to the bottle.  
"I was waiting…"  
"For a companion?"  
"For more pain."  
I corked the bottle and poured drinks. He reluctantly took the glass.

He was looking at it for a moment. First, indifferently, then, with anger.

Some small pieces of that glass smashed into the wall I've been finding for the next two weeks.

He let me settle in the small room that he called "study". It was a somewhat unfinished room as if several ideas were lingering in it. The walls were of some kind baby color, but there were packs of books and some wood and glass as well, an old table and sofa that definitely knew better days.

I didn't care much. As I discovered the next morning he spent all night in the garage.

The bedroom was locked and untouched.

Since we didn't drink that day, the morning started early. Actually, I was not sure he slept at all. I made coffee and found him working on the solar panel.

Same t-shirt, but now dirtier, he gathered his hair into a small ponytail, circles under his eyes were as dark as smudges all over his hands.

"Good morning," I handed him a cup.

"Morning… right…thank you."

He looked lost as if I caught him off guard, but he took a cup form my hands anyway.

"She is a beauty," I told him evaluating his work.

"She will be. I wanted to complete it quickly for E… but I don't see much sense right now, though I am still doing it."

"Well… if you wondered about a purpose, there is a delivery ward that is under construction, it may need an extra source of power."

"Is it?"

"Yeah, we can't afford the luxury of an outage. There will be babies that were born prematurely."

"When will it be opened?"

"Hopefully in 3 months, but we are not sure."

"Good… it is a good purpose," he looked at the panel with an estimating look.

I knew this stare too well to guess that he already started analyzing options.

He had changed here. Not completely, of course. He was still "heart" that I adored so much, but he was good in a peaceful life. There were no enemies here to fight so at some point he started visiting Raven a lot, started learning engineering and then … here he is in a garage with a bunch of solar panels.

"Do you wanna ... talk?" I asked carefully watching his hands stroking a pipe that went into a solar panel.

He stopped.

"Do I have to?"

"People say that it helps."

"I don't care what people say."

"Do you care what I say?"

He looked at me. His face suddenly looked younger like that guy in an Earth forest that irritated the hell out of me.

"You know I do, Princess."

The shadow of a smile lingered over and disappeared.

"Let's have breakfast then. You can have all the time in the world in this garage after I put some food in you. You need to have some sugar…"

"… in your system or you will be a pain in the ass," he continued.

So we had breakfast and then we finally drank. He didn't return into the garage that day.

We were sitting at the porch exhausted by the afternoon sun, a half-empty bottle of moonshine and silence.

I loved this planet, I loved us on this planet, I loved how easy all the troubles seemed.

I loved my 14 hours shift, I loved that I was able to help people, I loved that I had to study and get a degree, I loved that these people accepted us and gave us a chance, I loved that I saw a future for us here.

I watched sunshine pouring over my bare feet, getting lost in my toes.

"I will never get bored with these suns," I admitted, "I love the heat."

Bellamy didn't listen. He was looking straight ahead and his eyes were pieces of glass.

"Bellamy?"

"Huh?"

"I am sorry that it happened. I am sorry that it didn't work out."

"Like 10 years of life down the drain?"

"Yes, 10 years, your relationship. It is painful. I can't imagine how painful it is, but I am here. I will be with you as long as you need."

"Clarke, she left me. She ripped everything we had and you know the worst part."

"I don't…"

"I can't even get angry with her, because it is all my fault. It always has been."

The moonshine bottle was almost empty and he didn't seem drunk at all. More depressed only.

"I saw some vegetables in the fridge. Let me make a salad. I am getting too drunk," I confessed and stood up.

He grabbed my hand when I was going past him so I stopped.

I let our fingers intertwine, I squeezed his hand as hard as I could.

"Thank you for coming here."

"You don't need to thank me. You would have done the same for me."

"But I didn't…" he looked at me and I felt how suppressed grief resurfaced, showed its ugly, miserable face.

"I knew you wanted to… Leave it. It is not about me anymore. I bring you some food too," I released my hand and went into the house.

It wasn't about me anymore. I reminded myself again, but looking at his back on the porch, at the dark curls of my friend, I felt how a familiar wounded hole started to open up in my chest and I knew that no moonshine could fill it up.


End file.
